Touch the Stars
He couldn’t help it, Loras’ grin made him smile. Even heavy moods lasted only briefly for Renly, at least when his love was around. Gods forbid the days when they both brooded, but any other day was made brighter by Loras’ mere presence. Perhaps that would make this life tolerable. Margaery might sit at his right, but Loras would be on the left. Margaery might be the only public recipient of his kisses, but Loras would be there to wash the taste of her away eventually. If only the same could be said of the marriage bed where he would, someday, have to give her a child.
That only mattered after the war was won. Wartime forgave much, and so Renly allowed little sins such as daring to spend the night of his wedding with his lover.
He let out a short breath and half-smiled up at Loras. “How could my head possibly get too big?” he inquired, and tangled his fingers with Loras’. The other man’s hands had always been smaller, his fingers more slender, and Renly’s great palms could almost dwarf them—in other ways, their frames were not too dissimilar, but Renly always found himself fascinated whenever he could envelop Loras’ hands with his own. “You’re the one winning all the honor. I don’t even plan to lead my army from the front.”
Loras’ hands were warmed by Renly’s, and Loras tugged their joined hands close against his chest, letting Renly feel the beat of his heart. “I win all of the honour because I work hard at it. People enjoy a good show and I provide it to them; it’s not as if the attention is unwarranted nor excessive,” he said, enjoying the change in direction with the conversation. He never passed up a chance to speak about himself.
”Besides— there is only one person’s opinion that matters to me, and they think very highly of me…” Winking, Loras pressed his cheek against Renly’s, fingers still tangled together. “They love me almost as much as I love myself.”
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
The joke had gone flat, as all jokes had since he took the crown. Life was not a game anymore—at least, not one he was sure to win without trying. Renly shut his eyes tight and refused to answer more questions for the moment. It didn’t matter. Once he was king, there was a lifetime to worry about everything else, and he could spend many years enjoying just this. Loras’ heartbeat throbbing against his skin, almost the same pattern as his own. Loras’ breath warm against his neck.
Perhaps it was cruel to Margaery, but Renly doubted she truly wanted him. He’d never known what to do with women and that could hardly be a desirable quality in a husband.
Loras waited for an answer, but Renly still refused to give it. He made an incoherent sound and settled his arms more firmly around his lover. “I love you,” he murmured.
Loras was not surprised at Renly’s avoidance. He simply sat and waited, wondering if his patience would be rewarded with an answer. When all he received was a mumbled ‘I love you’, Loras pressed his lips against his shoulder, closing his eyes as they sat on the bed. Loras’ back was growing cold from the morning air, and he wondered if it would be worth it to light another fire…
No, they had to be up soon. They did not have the luxury of staying in bed all day like they had when Renly was just a lord and Loras was a fresh knight, his status still unknown and his presence only somewhat sought after. Back in those days Loras wondered if the world could be more perfect. Lying on silk pillows and cotton blankets, they’d be a tangle of sweaty, satisfied limbs, breathy laughter and smiles the most commonly exchanged things between kisses and needy hands. Loras would stare up at the ceiling in Renly’s room at Storm’s End and wonder how he’d gotten to be so lucky. Not everyone found love— so deep and passionate and pure as theirs— so early in life. And yet here he was, with his lover curled up against his side, breath sliding against his neck while fingers lazily tangled themselves in curls. Those moments were perfect. Complete. Everything he’d ever imagined love would be like.
But love was not without its hardships.
Shifting, Loras pulled away from Renly, but only for a moment, instead moving to clamber on top of him, straddling his lap and taking his hands in his own. Nuzzling his nose against Renly’s own, Loras lifted Renly’s hands and kissed the top of each, smiling as reassuringly as he could. “You know this doesn’t change a thing between us,” he said, eyes locking with Renly’s. “Everything else might be changing around you, but I’ll always be your constant, Renly. I’ll always be there for you. Always be here to support and admire you…. respect you… love you. Tell you when your head is getting too big.” He grinned and kissed Renly’s forehead.
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
“Am I allowed to lock you in a barrel when you’re unruly?” Renly mused, half smiling. “Of course I am, I’m your king now.” He leaned back to let his hair tickle against Loras’ shoulder. Warmth surrounded him and threatened to pull him back to sleep, giving him cause to sigh and close his eyes.
The Tyrells came together for him, while he watched one brother die and was threatened by the other. Even if every house in Westeros sided with him, declaring him ruler of the Realm, Stannis would stand and grind his teeth and vouch for his right. As always. Baratheons never shared, and they never allowed anyone else happiness that they did not have.
A pity, all of it, but at least they weren’t the Lannisters.
Loras’ nose, the only cold bit about him, pressed against Renly’s neck and made him squirm and reach back to tickle his hips. “You want me to open up to your sister, eh? Naughty…” He chuckled, settling back against Loras. The joke was flat but it was all he could muster. And he had to muster something if soon he would have to leave this comforting embrace.
Loras let out a mock gasp when Renly threatened to lock him in a barrel, mumbling about how Renly was already abusing his king privileges as he nipped his shoulder gently. Stuffing his face against his neck, Loras breathed Renly in, eyes closing before shooting open as Renly tickled his hips. Squirming, he squeezed Renly before relaxing as soon as he gave up, supporting his weight as he leaned against him.
When Renly made the joke, Loras didn’t know how to react. He laughed, but it had no heart behind it, more of an automatic reaction than anything. It was a tricky situation for Loras. On the one hand, he did not want Renly to touch Margaery— she was his little sister, and he felt as if he had to protect her, even when there was no need or cause for it. On the other hand, Renly was his. His lover and his alone. He didn’t know who to be more protective of, and although he knew that they had to be intimate eventually to make the alliance work, it made him feel distinctly uncomfortable. He pressed in a little tighter as he thought about it, kissing Renly’s neck.
”Do you think… think that you’ll be able to give Margaery a child?” he asked after a time.
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
The thought of hurting a woman, any woman, did not make sense to Renly. Unless she came at him with a knife, but that seemed unlikely. He’d never been one for hurt in general. Loras distracted him with his stretching, the lithe muscles clearly visible on his light frame. Renly’d had his tongue over every single one of them last night… There was not a one he did not adore.
“I never had a sister, little or not. If they’re all like Margaery, clearly I missed an entertaining part of life. She is most definitely charming. I caught that from the moment we met.” Renly scooted up to a seated position, turning his neck from side to side to clear any kinks.
“Mm, yes, you only had brothers. Boring ones at that,” he mumbled, still lying on the bed. His fingers danced up Renly’s spine, touching each bone in passing with idle fancy. “My brothers have always been kind to me, if not terribly annoying at times. Garlan feels that as my older brother he had the right to lock me in a barrel when I was little, when I became, as he put it, ‘unruly’.”
He pouted slightly, but slowed down on the chatter about his family when he realized who he was talking to. Renly probably had one of the worst family units possible. His parents had died before he’d ever had a chance to know them, and he was left with two older brothers who cared little for him. They were too busy with their own lives, and left Renly to seek affection and reassurance from others.
But now Renly was part of Loras’ family, and although he wished the union could have been between the two of them, it was still the same. Renly was part of his family, and would receive all of the support he could ever need. Sitting up, he scooted to sit behind Renly, legs and arms wrapping around his waist and torso as he rested his chin on his shoulder. “I think you and Margaery will get along well. She’s very understanding and kind… do not be afraid to open up to her.”
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
Renly could feel himself flush. “I thought it best if I didn’t try to talk while wine-drunk. The situation was awkward enough.” To be perfectly honest, he’d felt ill at that point. Margaery had been easy enough, smiling and laughing along, but his own head had been swimming. Bedding seemed less dizzying when you were performing it on friends and relatives (not that Renly had experience in the latter, thankfully).
Loras’ expression produced a moment of guilt and anxiety. His confidence did not at all extend to such intimate relationships as these—he might play with Loras’ affections as he played with everything, but only outwardly. In his heart, there was nothing more solid. He sighed. “Likely she thinks I’ve forgotten her very existence. Damn. I should speak to her today. I swear to you, I respect your sister very highly for what she’s done.”
“I know you do,” he mumbled, plucking a stray piece of string from Renly’s shoulder, rolling it around between his fingers before flicking it off. “If you didn’t you can be rest assured that you’d be in a great deal of pain right now. I may love you with all of my heart, but you hurt my little sister…” He trailed off at the end, a small smile on his lips. “But we wont have to worry about that, because you are a king and a kind man.”
Pulling away slightly, he stretched his arms above his head and legs down below, grunting as all of his muscles pulled and pushed before relaxing completely. “You should speak to her, though. If nothing else, she is interesting to converse with. She’s utterly charming— like myself.”
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
Renly returned the kiss with a softness that was only half intentional. Loras’ fingers felt cool against his skin, still only slightly calloused even after all the training. He wanted to pull his lover into a firm embrace, bury his face in Loras’ neck, maybe even bite down and just refuse to let go. He was greedy for love and for more than love.
“Nothing but who shall be waiting in my bed tonight,” he murmured, finally pulling back and meeting Loras’ eyes. “Perhaps I find all this change more weighty than expected.” He shrugged.
Loras sighed. He should have expected such an answer. The change was weighing on all of them— Margaery included. She wasn’t just some passive member in all of this, and although she was more than willing to play the role of the doting wife only in public, to have to marry someone who was in love with your brother rather than you hurt her in a way. It wasn’t as if she loved Renly in a romantic way, but he knew a part of her had hoped she’d marry someone who could learn to love her, and she in return.
But that wouldn’t happen— not the way that Margaery wanted and both Renly and Loras had wished for her. Renly was his and he was Renly’s. There was no way around it— they were knit at the soul. Even if he could give Renly up, he wasn’t sure he would. It was a selfish thought, especially when he factored in the happiness he’d be denying Margaery.
”Have you spoken to Margaery since the party? I know she joined you up here to keep up appearances, but she left before I had a chance to speak to her. What did you two talk about while you waited for me?”
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
Groaning softly, letting his fingers splay low across Loras’ back, Renly nodded. “And if your grandmother is right, we’ll both die there.” A dry laugh conveyed all he thought about that. It wasn’t death that had him sleepless every night without Loras. Death would be simple, and so it would never be his.
“Yet we have the Storm lords at our back, and some of my brother’s as well. The slower my road, the more likely men are to see the truth and flock to my banner.” That had been Mace Tyrell’s plan, though Renly suspected his goodmother’s influence outside the Council chamber. A leisurely stroll among the fair lands between Storm’s End and King’s Landing, allowing for men to see the winning side, and for an army to shield Renly and Loras from spying eyes. He’d not objected at first. Now, though he would not change his plans, Renly had to show far more joy than he felt inside. Caution remained hidden, and his confidence and glee were half-feigned.
“They say I have a gift for that,” he murmured, as dry as a bone. “Luring men to me.”
Death. The notion wasn’t even in Loras’ head. Death was not theirs— not now. Victory was theirs; victory and glory. Or so he believed, because what else was there? Loras would not accept death. His lady grandmother was far too bitter about the situation, and Loras would not listen to her words of ill. This was a good idea and a strong plan. Renly was going to be a wonderful king, and Margaery would be a strong queen. This would work. Only victory would suffice for Loras, and he always got what he wanted.
He snorted when Renly made the joke, and shifted slightly so he could look at Renly. Wiggling down on the bed, he traced his finger along Renly’s jaw, watching the trailer of his finger before his hazel eyes flicked up to lock with Renly’s. He didn’t say anything for a time, trying to read Renly’s gaze. Frustration, nerves, a hint of fear… it was all there, swimming around, clouding his usually bright and loving eyes. Letting out a soft huff, Loras kissed Renly slowly, keeping it innocent. “Tell me what is troubling you, my love,” he mumbled, their lips still touching.
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
He snorted. “I don’t fuck you because you entertain me, I fuck you because you’re my lover.” Loras smelled like stale sweat and flowers and it was good. Renly hadn’t felt like cleaning up after last night, and the stickiness reminded him that this was a dream but a real one. Still, he shoved the younger knight a little. “That doesn’t give you permission to coo. I’m not a fair maiden or a babe in arms. I’m…” A king. Wedded and bedded, but not with his bride, even as the world bated breath for his next move.
Renly shifted to look up at Loras, brow wrinkled. “I’m serious about the cooing.” He pressed his lips to Loras’ chin and kept them there, closing his eyes and demanding silently that time stop once and for all. No more summers, no more winters, just an endless moment like this.
”Sex is supposed to be a little entertaining, though. Or we’ve been doing it all wrong,” he mumbled, smiling slightly as Renly kissed his chin but left his lips to brush the skin. Rubbing circles behind Renly’s ear, Loras let out a sigh, staring up at the wall across from them. There was a hunting scene painted along the walls, with fantastical birds and beautiful horses in exotic colours across the cream wall. He hadn’t payed the wall much attention last night— after all, he’d been occupied.
The wedding had taken place at Highgarden, a safe place for the union to happen. They were surrounded by men sworn to the Tyrells— and now a Baratheon— and there would be no protest to the hurried marriage. Loras knew all parts of the castle by now, but found himself unfamiliar with the room they’d placed Renly for the night. It was large and expansive, with a view of the gardens down below, allowing for the scent of roses and lemons to waft up with the gentle breeze. Loras had slipped into the room after Margaery had left, a smile on her lips and a knowing expression in her eyes. The first thing he noticed was the bed— large and impressive, with silk sheets and numerous pillows. The second thing he noticed as Renly, drunk on wine and a smile on his face as they embraced near the window.
It was easy then. Both of them giddy and high on the sense of accomplishment. The future was exciting and vast— to be embraced. But that was when the sun was down and the lights were that of candles, soft and muted, making it easier to hide secrets and realities.
”We’re leaving soon… to march on King’s Landing…” he mumbled, still swirling his thumb behind Renly’s ear. He had no idea how he felt about that. Excited, of course— to fight for Renly and for the realm was all he could dream of as a young squire. But there was something else there… some other emotion he could not quiet grasp. If he thought about it too much, it would start to feel an awful lot like regret, and he’d shrink away as soon as it came. He’d rather not figure it out…
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
The kisses were torture, reminding him only of what dreamland he would soon have to leave. Kingship demanded a harsh price. Groaning, pressing close to soak up the warmth as long as he could, he mumbled, “Better than expected. I was untroubled by dreams.”
Upon half-opening his eyes, he saw a look on Loras’ face that made him grimace and mildly protest. “Don’t look to me like that. I’m not for your entertainment.” The Tyrells all looked at him like that sometimes, as if he were amusing. Renly flattered himself that he was, when he meant to be. If he’d only received such looks then, he’d never protest. The actual case was less…reassuring. Renly needed their support for his campaign, and also for himself—they were the only persons left in the world who would regard him as family. Their honest affection was all he wanted. No matter if the marriage and alliance was coldly political. “You haven’t been cooing over me while I sleep, have you?” He buried his nose in Loras’ neck and closed his eyes again.
”Not for my entertainment?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Renly, cradling him close as he pressed his face against his neck. Running his fingers through Renly’s hair, he kissed the top of his head. He tried to keep the mood light, knowing that the realities of what they’d gotten themselves into were clawing at the door, waiting to get in and ruin the peace. “Then what is the purpose of us fucking if not for entertainment?”
Shifting slightly, Loras got in a more comfortable position and rested his chin on the top of his head. He smelled of sandalwood, burnt wood from a fire, and sex. Not at all unpleasant. “Of course I’ve been cooing. I coo over you all the time. I’m cooing over you right now, even,” he teased, and made a cooing sound to further his point. “Do you like not to be cooed over?”
If he just kept smiling and he just kept laughing and he just kept it together, Renly would stay together, too. And the dread that sat in his gut would leave. Or so he kept telling himself.
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
Touch the Stars
Not, however, with Loras’ body flopped over his own. The young Tyrell shifted often as he slept, using Renly as both pillow and mattress in turn. Somewhere in the night their bodies had separated and Renly lost himself in dreams. The next he knew, Loras had once again attached to his side, warm skin spread against Renly’s, breath tickling against his collarbone.
He let out a wordless acknowledgement and flopped an arm over Loras’ side. “Mornings,” he groaned, slowly blinking. “The bane of my existence.”
Loras couldn’t help but snort when Renly spoke. “So dramatic,” he mumbled, sitting slightly. Staring down at Renly, he brought a hand up to cup his cheek, smiling slightly. Renly looked like he’d been run over by a horse and cart. His eyes were slightly red, bags under them, and his lips were a little chapped— too much stress and too much wine. He watched his thumb as it rubbed Renly’s cheek gently, taking a moment to remember how easy everything was right now while they still lay under the blankets, the door to the room closed and locked, no one able to get in. Soon they would have to open it. Soon Loras would have to sneak away and pretend he was not the one to spend the night with the king on his wedding night.
But right now, he wouldn’t think of that. Right now all he would think about was how adorable Renly looked, all bleary eyed and sleep addled. “Did you sleep well?” he asked, moving down to kiss his bottom lip gently. He tasted of sweet fruits.
(Source: knight-of-pansies)
*Part of ASOIAF RP Group*